It’s that time of the year again…a time of gym memberships and impossible reading lists, a time of reflections on the past and aspirations for the future. We at Writers & Books have our own resolutions for 2014, but we also asked some of our favorite authors and characters what their resolutions were for the year ahead. Here’s what they had to say*:
W&B: Mr. Melville, it is such an honor to meet you!
Herman Melville: And you. Although I would have much preferred for us to meet somewhere closer to the water.
W&B: Well sir, we are near Lake Er…
Melville: WATER? THERE’S WATER NEAR BY? BY GODS WE MUST GET TO A BOAT! WE MUST FIND HIM!
W&B: Him? Sir, could you just quickly tell us your resolution for 2014?
Melville: TO CATCH HIM OF COURSE. TO FIND HIM. TO CEASE THIS ENDLESS PERUSAL.
W&B: Ms. Bronte, what is your New Year’s Resolution?
Emily Bronte: Get out of the house more.
W&B: Mr. Poe, so nice to meet you. You’re looking very nice today.
Edgar Allan Poe: All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.
W&B: Okay… Can you tell us what you’re New Year’s Resolution is?
Poe: I suppose just to have a happier outlook on life.
W&B: Wow, that’s so nice!
Poe: Believe only half of what you see and nothing that you hear.
W&B: Um, okay.
W&B: Ms. Wollstonecraft! It is such an honor to meet the foremother of feminism! We are such fans. Can you tell us what your New Yea…
Mary Wollstonecraft: EQUALITY. EQUALITY FOR ALL. YOU GET EQUALITY AND YOU GET EQUALITY AND YOU GET…
*The interview had to be cut short here due to an overwhelming quantity of free equality.*
W&B: Hello Mr. Hemingway and thank you for joining us. What do you wish for the upcoming year?
Ernest Hemingway: Quit drinking.
W&B: Mr. Fitzgerald, it’s so swell of you to speak with us. What are your resolutions for 2014?
F. Scott Fitzgerald: Well old sport, I’m going to finally get it.
Fitzgerald: That damned green light. It’s keeping me up all night.
*Please note: They did not actually say these things.